we have officially lost it.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
