hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
