i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
