I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
