nut hugger
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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