we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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