If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
