friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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