Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
