Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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