Sponge bath it is.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
