im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
