have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
