Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
