I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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