wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
