Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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