Yo dont text me then not text me
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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