So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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