I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
