dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
