You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I want a musical about memes.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
