I want to stick my p in your. b.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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