What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
