I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
