There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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