I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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