i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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