i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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