Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
