I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Someone came in the potted fern
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
