I want to walk on stilts...naked
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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