the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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