id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
