Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
