I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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