He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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