I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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