You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dicks are not precious.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
