whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
