My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The uberlube is also flammable
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
