i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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