who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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