Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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