so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
