everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
