Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
