yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
