Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
