Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
