I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
