I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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